Did you want mayo with that spam?

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, been very busy with work as well as the outdoors.

As I get many emails for work, I try to spice up my email sessions by replying to scam and spam mails. What? You'll ask if I'm crazy, it only generates more mails. Yes it probably does, but the delete button is my friend. It's no big deal.
I wanted so share some of my replies here.  I haven't received any replies back so far. Darn. Some people can't take a joke I guess :)

First mail:

"Compliments of the day to you,
May the blessing of God be upon you and grant you the wisdom and sympathy to understand my situation and how much I need your help."
.. she then goes on to say how her dad passed away and left her 4.5 million dollars. She needs my help transferring it to a different account and of course, I am promised a nice cut.

My reply:

Hi there,
Thanks for thinking of me, but in fact, I am quite well-to-do and wouldn't know what to do with the money. I have so much already it's falling out of my pockets when I walk down the street. If I were you though, I'd remove God's blessing from that mail, it really does not befit a scam mail. I wouldn't want to be you, standing in front of those pearly gates some day and having to explain why I dragged God into a scam mail. 
Have a wonderful day!

Second mail:

Title: No more dreams about Rolex. Get it for as low as $ 250!. Wow! 
Content: No other shop offers that low prices for copies of branded watches.. Copies of Swiss watches are offered here for less than 300 dollars.

My reply:

Hey thanks for the mail, not sure who sold you my email, but that's unimportant in the grand scheme of things.
I don't think that mail was meant for me anyways, because I never dream about Rolex. If I do, I don't remember it. I don't have a watch, I'm allergic to metals and it just gives me a rash. Maybe send the mail to someone else? If I had 300 dollars I'd just blow it at the casino.
Have a great day and watch whom you mail - pun intended.

3rd email:

Title: Our on-line pharmacy is the right place to shop
Content: A whole list of viagra and the likes along with the prices.

My reply:
Do you sell aspirin? I don't need or want any. Just asking...

4th mail:

I didn't reply to this, but it is funny. From a spam mail:

If u are seller pls don't contact me, if u don't buy from me pls don't contact me . 
I very hate do spam or rip and i don't want who spam me..


The security of your account is (un)important to us

A heart-warming story - not :)

I use a service -which shall remain unnamed- to send and receive money on line. Once upon a time, I received an email that seemed to be sent by this service, asking me to click a link in the mail and verify my information (read: password).
Of course I'm not as stupid as I look (or maybe I don't look as stupid as I am, still got to figure that one out), but if you click that link, you are sent to a page on which you are asked for your password. The person on the receiving end can then use your password and help themselves to your money.
The service I use has an email where you can forward suspicious looking mails. I forwarded the mail.
Within seconds I received a reply. Yes. Seconds.
In the reply I was  thanked for forwarding this suspicious email. They then confirmed that it was a phishing attempt. I was assured that the security of my account is important to them.
After giving this some consideration, I realised that all I really got was an auto-reply. Nobody had looked at the forwarded mail. Curiosity got the better of me. Was their system programmed maybe to detect certain keywords in a mail, thus recognising it as a phishing attempt? Only one way to test and find out for sure. I hadn't emptied my spam folder yet and found a generous offer for viagra at a low price. Perfect, exactly what I was looking for.
I forwarded the offer for viagra to the same place I had forwarded the scam mail to. The reply came within seconds.. thank you so much for forwarding this suspicious looking mail. It is a phishing attempt, blah blah.. The security of your account is important to us, blah blah..


Copyright Violation

I would like to report this blog for copyright violations.

Hi Adam,
Nice website! May I ask what a copyright violation is?
I've never heard of such thing. Is it edible? Sounds exotic!
Cheers and happy riding!

Are you joking? Copyright is when someone takes something that belongs to someone else and then posts it on the internet. I know, because I just learned about it in school. You better act quickly.

Hi Adam,
Thanks for that extra info, not as exotic as I thought after all. Anyways, I don't see anything on that website that is mine. When you look over to the right though, just below where it says 'followers', I don't think those pictures are hers. Go get her, Adam!
Cheers and happy riding

Hi Robby,
You haven't been around much on the internet, have you! Those followers are avatars of people who follow her blog. What I meant was the bicycle in the pictures here:
I saw that bicycle in your shop. She posted it on the internet, it should probably be removed.

Hi Adam,
I sell bicycles like that, but the one in the picture isn't mine because I don't have a dog basket on my bicycle.
What are avatars? What are followers? Could you also explain to me what a blog is? And why is her blog being followed by avatars? How do they follow it? Not like it's moving or anything...
Cheers and happy riding!

Hi Robby,
Never mind. Seriously, forget that I mentioned anything