Did you want mayo with that spam?

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, been very busy with work as well as the outdoors.

As I get many emails for work, I try to spice up my email sessions by replying to scam and spam mails. What? You'll ask if I'm crazy, it only generates more mails. Yes it probably does, but the delete button is my friend. It's no big deal.
I wanted so share some of my replies here.  I haven't received any replies back so far. Darn. Some people can't take a joke I guess :)


First mail:

"Compliments of the day to you,
May the blessing of God be upon you and grant you the wisdom and sympathy to understand my situation and how much I need your help."

.. she then goes on to say how her dad passed away and left her 4.5 million dollars. She needs my help transferring it to a different account and of course, I am promised a nice cut.

My reply:

Hi there,

Thanks for thinking of me, but in fact, I am quite well-to-do and wouldn't know what to do with the money. I have so much already it's falling out of my pockets when I walk down the street. If I were you though, I'd remove God's blessing from that mail, it really does not befit a scam mail. I wouldn't want to be you, standing in front of those pearly gates some day and having to explain why I dragged God into a scam mail. 

Have a wonderful day!

Second mail:

Title: No more dreams about Rolex. Get it for as low as $ 250!. Wow! 

Content: No other shop offers that low prices for copies of branded watches.. Copies of Swiss watches are offered here for less than 300 dollars.

My reply:

Hey thanks for the mail, not sure who sold you my email, but that's unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

I don't think that mail was meant for me anyways, because I never dream about Rolex. If I do, I don't remember it. I don't have a watch, I'm allergic to metals and it just gives me a rash. Maybe send the mail to someone else? If I had 300 dollars I'd just blow it at the casino.

Have a great day and watch whom you mail - pun intended.

3rd email:

Title: Our on-line pharmacy is the right place to shop

Content: A whole list of viagra and the likes along with the prices.

My reply:

Do you sell aspirin? I don't need or want any. Just asking...

4th mail:

I didn't reply to this, but it is funny. From a spam mail:

If u are seller pls don't contact me, if u don't buy from me pls don't contact me . 

I very hate do spam or rip and i don't want who spam me..

The Used Pillow

Hi Sundance,
I am trying to buy a pillow but it won't take my credit card info, can you help me please?
Thanks
Kim


Hi Kim,
Thanks for emailing  me. I just have a blog here with some ramblings about help desk stuff, but I'm not really a help desk. If you have trouble paying for the pillow, you should probably go to the site where you tried to buy the pillow and contact them. Most sites have a help or contact link at the bottom.
In the meantime, you could fold up a blanket and use that as a pillow, or if you have a dog, let him sleep on the bed after his flea bath and use him as a pillow.
Peace,
Sundance


Hi Sundance,
I don't understand. I clicked on your pillow link and you're saying you're not selling pillows? It said 50% off on all used pillows, click here. And I clicked on "here" , then I ordered the pillow and that is when I got trouble paying.
You should probably remove your pillow link if you don't sell pillows.
Kim


Hi Kim,
Where exactly on my blog do you see a sale for used pillows? I mean, I can sell you mine if you really want one, but I think you are confusing my blog with a different site.
Peace!
Sundance


Hi Sundance,
The pillow link is gone now, that is not cool to quickly take it away and replace it with something different. I should have taken a screen shot of it. You know as well as I do where that link was. It was in a box over to the right just below "blog archive".
I'll be darned if I visit here again.
Kim


Hi kim,
Oh now I understand. You clicked on an advertisement. Those things change, you know. I don't have control over what gets advertised on my blog. Surely you are familiar with advertisements on the internet? Yeah google puts a little something in my piggy bank when people click those ad links, but if you click a link to an ad, selling something, I am not the one selling it. And just between us, I wouldn't buy a used pillow. Who wants to buy a pillow someone else drooled on? It's probably just a couple bucks more for a new one.
Peace!
Sundance


Hi Sundance,
So let me see if I understand this. I click the pillow link and buy the pillow. The place that sells the pillow gets money, and you get money too?
kim


Hi kim,
Well no, you didn't buy the pillow, so the place that sells the pillow got nothing, and I got something. Yeah I know it isn't fair but fairness is a pretty relative concept after all. Don't worry about it.
Pleace!
Sundance


Hi Sundance,
I hope that your blog readers will realise how you are scamming everyone. I click your pillow link, I can't buy a pillow and you get money AND you shamelessly tell me the pillows have been drooled on. If you are not the one selling the pillows, then how do you know they have been drooled on? I think you talked yourself into a corner here.
The internet is full of scammers, isn't it.
Kim


Hi Kim,
I don't know for sure if the pillows have been drooled on or not, that is just an assumption on my part. Statistics show that 99% of all people drool within the first hour of being in bed for the night. You can test this by setting your alarm clock to buzz an hour after you've gone to bed, then check and see if your pillow is moist (once you have a pillow of course).
I'll buy you a new pillow if you let me post our conversation on my blog.
Peace!
Sundance


Hi Sundance,
Hmmmmyes, I guesso
Kim

Dear Beloved Part Two

This is a bit of a different post than what I usually write, but I've got to share this, it's hilarious.
I received another 419 scam mail today. (at the help desk, yes)
A rich, woman, close to kicking the bucket, wanting to transfer her late husband's millions to me. Darn, my lucky day!

There are two things about the mail that are particularly funny.
It starts off like this:

"First of all, I seek your indulgence to solicit for your assistance concerning the content of my e-mail, although I am not comfortable discussing it through this manner, due to lots of unsolicited mails on the internet presently"

That line in itself is worth a reply, something like.. "hmm I can't remember giving you my email or asking you to mail me but hey, thanks for thinking of me, it's appreciated!"

One of the next paragraphs in the mail is top notch, it beats every scam mail I've ever seen.

"According to the doctor, my medical report quotes a very short life sperm due to my health status presently"

Life sperm? I read it twice, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

I googled that line, being fairly confident that others have received such mail as well. Lo and behold, look at that:

http://www.scamorama.com/tushie_szentivanyi.html

Mrs Victoria Szentiványi had a short life sperm in May 2010.

http://www.419scam.org/emails/2010-06/16/01099278.39.htm
Mrs. Josepha F. Biondolillo is looking at a short life sperm in June 2010

http://www.thescambaiter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=89281
Mrs. Albina Marada was facing a short life sperm last month.

http://www.scamdex.com/MHON/S/msg10103.php

Anne Nanda Bates joins the short life sperm club.

http://fraudwatchers.net/forums/showthread.php?p=74057

Mrs.Elizabeth Joshua also fell victim of the short life sperm epidemic.

http://www.sputnikmusic.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-538051.html

Relentlessly, the short life sperm bug bit Hajjah Aicha Kone

http://www.fraudwatchers.org/forums/archive/index.php/t-38989.html

Mrs. Brina vanska was hit with a short life sperm diagnosis last spring.

Symptoms of short life sperm:

1) You start emailing complete strangers.

2) You want to give away millions.

3) You develop multiple personality disorder and start using different names.

At least I am not rich. I won't have to worry about short life sperm!