Monday

Entrecard Down

* Please note that the email conversation below is made up by me, I never contacted them, but it really was down for me, and probably for others too. So, if you didn't see me drop my card on your blog yesterday, it's just because entrecard had problems. It doesn't seem to be completely fixed yet at this time.
I'll just make something up while waiting :)

Hey guys, this is Sundance, my entrecard drop inbox is down. This is terrible, I can't see who dropped cards on me and I don't want my entrecard friends to think that I don't want to return the favour and drop cards on them.
Can you look into this please?
Thanks,
Sundance.

Hi Sundance,
Thank you for contacting us. Our technicians are already looking into the problem and will fix it as soon as possible.
Support Team

Hey guys, me again..
It's been 31 minutes and 12 seconds and my inbox is still down. I can imagine my entrecard friends refreshing their inboxes constantly to see if I have dropped my card yet, and with each refresh their disappointment grows. Please help, this is very serious! I honestly hate to disappoint people because it's not good for my general karma.
Sundance

Hi Sundance,
Don't worry, their drop inboxes are down too, so they can't refresh them. Just hang in there, it will be fixed as soon as possible.
Support Team

Hey support team,
Thanks for replying so quickly. It's been almost an hour now, is there any progress? If not, is there any way I can help? I'm pretty good at computer stuff, the other day I didn't have to ask my neighbour to help me turn my computer on, I figured it out all on my own. With that kind of progress in one day, I believe I have what it takes to help you fix this. Just lemme know, I'll be more than happy to help.
Thanks
Sundance

Hi Sundance,
Thank you for the offer, but it's all under control. Our techs are working tirelessly to fix the problem. Just sit tight, we'll be up and running before you know it.
Support staff

Hey guys, me again..
Two hours, 24 minutes and 6 seconds now, and it's still down. You said the techs were working tirelessly to fix the problem, but maybe they got tired and fell asleep? Can you check on them and make sure they are working? Maybe poor them some fresh coffee and make sure there is no booze around? Just a FYI, I still have 206 cards to drop.
Thanks,
Sundance

Hi Sundance,
A fix of this nature can take some time. The techs are in the process of pinpointing the problem. Perhaps you could do something else while waiting, like writing a new blog post.
Thanks
Support Team

Hey guys,
I don't understand? They don't need to pinpoint the problem, I can tell you were the problem is. It's in my drop inbox, I get an error when I click on it.
Just sign in as me and click on my drop inbox, and you'll see the problem.


Hi Sundance,
What you see when you click on your drop inbox is the result of the problem, the actual problem needs to be found on our end, either in the code or on the servers.
Thanks for trying to help, and thanks for your feedback.
Support team

Hey guys,
Come on, it's been over 4 hours now. May I kindly remind you that I have 206 cards to drop? That stands for 206 disappointed people who did not receive their daily drop from me. 206 broken hearts, 206 people who will not sleep peacefully tonight, 206 blogs waiting for my visit, 206 cards out there in a cold, dark corner of the internet, never dropped. This is a tragedy. Do you have any news on the progress here? How is it being fixed, how long will it take, when should I expect to be able to drop my cards? Can you give me the email or phone number of one of the techs so that I can check with them directly?
Thanks!

Hi Sundance,
I'm afraid that we have no additional information to give you. Our techs are working on the problem and they will fix it as soon as they can. We do not disclose private information of our techs, such as phone numbers or emails.
Thanks
Support team

Hey guys,
Eight hours and counting. I went from being worried to being mad. Look, this is the deal: I will delete a card every 10 minutes until all is fixed. Fair enough, eh?
Sundance

Hi Sundance,
Cards can't be deleted. Just hang in there, it will be fixed soon.
Support Team

Hey guys,
Sure cards can be deleted. Take a look at this blog:
http://zandranna.blogspot.com/
I deleted their card. There!
Sundance

Hi Sundance,
May we ask how you deleted the card?
Thanks
Support Team

Hey guys,
Do I have to tell you everything?
I take a screen shot of the card, print it out and put it in the shredder.
I've deleted 18 cards now. Just 4 minutes till number 19 bites the dust.
Pretty cool, innit?
Sundance

*Update: Shortly after sending the above email, Sundance noticed that the drop inbox was fixed. She is currently busy glueing the shredded papers back together.

Saturday

Typo

Hi there,
I registered an account with you yesterday, but I made a typo in my username, can you change that for me?
The correct username should be Green Pastures.
Thanks,
Walt

Hi Walt,
Thank you for contacting us here at the help desk.
The username associated with your email is Captchas Suck. Is it perhaps a different account you are referring to?
Thank you
Wilma
Customer Support

Hi Wilma,
No, that is the right account, the username should be Green Pastures, can you correct that?
Sorry for the trouble.
Walt

Hi Walt,
That is one heck of a huge typo.. are you certain? You wish to have Captchas Suck changed to Green Pastures?
For a change as invasive as this one, I will have to ask you the answer to the secret question on your account.
Question: My pet's name?
Thank you
Wilma
Customer Support

Hi Wilma,
Yeah sorry about the typo, I might have been slightly intoxicated while registering the account.
My pet's name is Whiskey.
Looking forward to having my username corrected.
Walt

Hi Walt,
Thank you, that is the correct answer.
Your username has been changed to Green Pastures.
Wilma
Customer Support

Hi Wilma,
W00t, that was very nice of you.
It started to snow though. Would you mind changing my username to White Pastures?
Thanks
Walt

Hi Walt,
Each account comes with one free username change. The second time there is a $5 charge. You may send the funds via paypal. As soon as we receive it, I will be happy to change your username to White Pastures.
Thanks
Wilma
Customer Support

Hi Wilma,
I beg to differ. Your guidelines say that correcting a typo is not considered a full username change, and thus will not be counted. I asked you to correct a typo which you did. Therefore, you still owe me that free username change.
Thanks,
Walt

Hi Walt,
A typo is an error made when you press the wrong letter on your keyboard, meaning to press a different one. Technically, there were no typos found in your Captchas Suck username. The change was not a correction of a typo, it was a full name change.
Thank you
Wilma
Customer Support

Hi Wilma,
Please take a moment to review one of your earlier replies to me. I quote:
"That is one heck of a huge typo"
You clearly stated that you were handling a typo and not a name change. You owe me a free name change.
I insist.
Walt

Hi Walt,
My name is Jen, and I'll be happy to assist you today.
Your free name change has been granted.
Enjoy!
Jen
Customer Support Supervisor

Jen,
What happened? What is going on? I signed in and noticed that my new username is now Ugly Pastures. I asked for White Pastures, please do it right.
Ugly Pastures makes me feel ridiculous..
Walt

Hi Walt,
I am very sorry, I must have made a typo.
Our database is set up in such a way that it only allows two changes. Unfortunately I will not be able to change your name again.
Please accept my sincere apologies.
Jen
Customer Support Supervisor

Changes..

It started out exciting, the stories flowed in nicely, but last night I was wondering, how many stories about captchas can I write without starting to sound boring? I can imagine my followers yawning, rolling their eyes.. oh no, not another story, she's at it again!
My grandmother used to tell me that when you roll your eyes, they can get stuck and they'll never go back to normal. On top of that, when you yawn, you can get jawlock. I heard it's ugly and they have to knock you real hard on your chin to unlock your jaw. Let's avoid this kind of problems.

While I was writing the Help Desk Conversation story, I could see a lot of possibilities there. So, I'm going to upgrade this blog from captchas fun to captchas and help desk fun. Stay tuned for more stories. Help desks are hilarious places, I promise.

Thursday

What was your favourite high school teacher's name?

Hi,
I am contacting you because I can't sign in at your website. It gives a "wrong username and password" combination. Deleting my cookies didn't help. The forgot password link doesn't work, can you give me a new password on your end please?
Thanks in advance.
Blue Moon

Hi Blue Moon,
I will be happy to reset your password for you. Before I can do this, you need to prove that you are the owner of the account. Please answer the secret question you have on your account.
Secret question: "What was my favourite high school teacher's name?"
Thank you
Janet
Outer Space Help Desk

Hi Janet,
Thanks for replying but I'm lost now. I don't know you, I don't know where you live, and I honestly have no idea what your favourite high school teacher's name was. There are billions of names in the world, I have more chance of winning the lottery than guessing your teacher's name.
Is there any way you can just give me a new password and skip the teacher question?
Thanks in advance.
Blue Moon

Hi Blue Moon,
When you register an account with us, you are offered several secret questions. You then pick one and answer it. If you know the answer, it means that you own the account. Since you picked the question "What was my favourite high school teacher's name?", and you were the one answering the question, we'd be looking for your favourite high school teacher's name, not mine. If you can just tell me which one of your high school teachers you liked the best, I can reset your password, as long as the answer matches the answer on your account.
Thanks
Janet
Outer Space Help Desk

Hi again Janet,
I was home schooled. Can we just skip the question?
Thanks,
Blue Moon

Hi Blue Moon.
That was not the correct answer. I cannot reset your password unless you provide a correct answer to the question.
Thanks
Janet
Outer Space Help Desk

Hi Janet,
My mom taught me how to write. Her name is Marion
Dad taught me math, sort of. His name is David
My uncle taught me four-letter words, his name is Jeffrey.
My aunt taught me a few things too, her name is Bella.
I was most interested in the four-letter words, so I might have used Jeffrey as an asnwer. How did I do?
Thanks,
Blue Moon

Hi Blue Moon,
Jeffrey was the correct answer, thank you.
Your new password is: deleted
Thanks
Janet
Outer Space Help Desk

Hi Janet,
Why did you delete my new password? You didn't even tell me what it was???
Thanks
Blue Moon

Hi Blue moon,
Your new password is deleted. When you type the word "deleted" in the password field, you will be able to sign in.
Thanks
Janet
Outer Space Help Desk

Tuesday

Help desk conversation

Dear help desk staff,

Included is a screen shot of your captchas. I am trying to register, but I've always been a bad guesser. Can you please tell me what those letters are?



Thanks,
Johnny


Hello Johnny,

Thank you for contacting us at the help desk.
The words you are looking for are "and orelsill" but if you no longer have the tab open with the registration form, you will see new words next time.

If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know.
Thanks, Melissa
Help Desk Repersentative



Dear help desk Melissa,

Thanks for your quick reply. Yes, I already closed the tab. Here is a new screen shot, I will keep the tab open this time around.



Thanks again,
Johnny




Hello Johnny,

Thank you for contacting us.
The words you are looking for are "ralte Lanorenoe"


If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know.
Thanks, Melissa
Help Desk Repersentative




Dear help desk Melissa,

That was a big no-no, I thought it was Lawrence and wrote to you just to be sure, maybe I should have gone with my gut feeling. Thanks for trying though. I am surprised they didn't train you properly to help people with this, but I understand that you are doing the best you can. Could you try one more time please?



Thanks,
Johnny




Hello Johnny,

The first word is Strevol, and the first part of the second word is diva. I am unable to decipher the last part of the second word. I am sorry I cannot be of more help. Perhaps you could keep refreshing the page until you find words that you are able to read,


If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know.
Thanks, Melissa
Help Desk Repersentative




Help desk Melissa,

I tried refreshing a few times but cannot read those codes. To keep refreshing the page is not an option, let me explain my situation. I registered an account with your message board hosting system yesterday, but I got banned for spam a few hours later. I was promoting a friend's message board which is on a different hosting system and I admit that I might have been a bit over-zealous. So I am trying today, after I got a new email (my previous one can't be used because it's banned, you see). I am on limited bandwidth and I used quite a bit of it yesterday, so I got to be careful with refreshing.
Here is the new screen shot, can you please try a bit harder?



Thanks
Johnny



Hello Johnny,

It is against our rules to register a new account when you are banned.
I am afraid that I won't be able to assist you any further.


If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know.
Thanks, Melissa
Help Desk Repersentative




Melissa,

What do you mean with "I won't be able to assist you any further"? You have yet to assist me. I'd also appreciate it if you could remove the "If there is anything else I can help you with" line from your signature, because I yet have to get help around here. This line is becoming an eyesore,
Please try one more time, I still have my tab open with the image I sent you earlier.

Thanks - I hope
Johnny



Hello Johnny,

May I please remind you that it is against our terms to re-register after being banned?
Moreover, the bandwidth you have spent sending in tickets with screen shots could have been used to refresh the page many times.

Thanks.
Melissa



You little witch,

Does your supervisor know how you treat your customers? Please escalate this ticket, I demand to speak with a supervisor.

Johnny


*Two days later*


Hello?? Is this thing on?

Johnny

Monday

Bug Report

Description of the issue:
The human verification code is impossible to read by humans.

OS: All operating systems
Browser: All browsers
Severity: Major
Priority: Emergency

Steps to reproduce:
1) Navigate to your impossible site
2) Click the registration button
3) Go through the trouble of filling the 10 required fields
4) Click "next" to get to the page where you see the human verification code.
5) View the human verification code. If you're brave, type the letters in the box.

Expected result:
A human can read the code because it is called Human Verification Code. While reading the code, the registrant feels human. On a scale from 1 to 10, reading difficulty level does not exceed 5.

Actual result:
A human cannot read the code and therefore does not feel human. On a scale from 1 to 10, reading difficulty level is 24 and up.

Screen shot:



Additional information:
The other day when I tried to register, I lashed out at the cat in desperation. The cat jumped against the window to get away from me and held on to the curtain with her claws. The curtain fell and took the monitor down, which then fell on a chair. The chair tipped over and crashed into the tower while the curtain rod hit me in the head. I am writing this from my hospital room on a borrowed laptop.
My expected release date is tomorrow, if I pass the pshychological test.
Please make sure this is fixed by the time I get back home.

Truly yours,
Johnny

Saturday

Teacher suspended

Elderville, January 18, 2011

Jimmy, a 34 year old teacher from Elderville, was suspended today for using repeated profanity in front of his classroom while teaching "Internet Etiquette" to his 12-year old students.

The lesson started as usual, the students turned on their computers and logged in to the shared screen on which they could watch their teacher browse the internet. In today's lesson, Jimmy showed his students how to register at a games site. He carefully explained that the Terms Of Service should be read, parents should be aware of the registration, and all fields should be filled out properly. He then proceeded to populate the fields with the appropriate information. All went well until he attempted to work his way past the human verification code. One of his students later recalled that he had tried at least 10 times before he started to show the first signs of nervousness. Jimmy suddenly dropped an F-bomb in the captchas field and clicked the Sign Me Up Button. This was received with some laughter in the classroom, but the registration did not go through. Jimmy graduated from F-bomb variations to much more severe profanity while the classroom grew wild with applause and laughter.



Alerted by the noise, the principal decided to go take a peek and found Jimmy at the computer, typing a word we'd rather not repeat here. The principal unplugged the computer and led Jimmy out of the classroom and into his office. It is unknown how long Jimmy will be suspended for.

We were able to talk to some of the students. Bert (12) from Elderville, told us he didn't realise there were so many funny words out there. Nate (12), also from Elderville, said he learned "lots of  new words" today.

Jimmy, who had been teaching Internet Etiquette since 2008 and had a blameless record until today, was not available for comments.

Friday

The power of julblope




Dear free email provider,

I am trying to sign up for a free email and I don't seem to be able to get past your captchas. I can say the alphabet backwards without skipping a beat, though that isn't helping me here. I know that we shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, it's a free email after all, but let it be known that I can't get in your barn to even look at the horse itself, much less in its mouth. It's not just me, you know. My husband tried, the kids tried, grandma gave it a whirl, and grandpa took an educated guess. Grandpa said the first word is julblope, but grandma called him a fool. I want you to know what our family went through because of this. Below is the conversation as accurately as I recall it.

Grandpa: "I am pretty sure that first word is julblope."
Grandma: "Oh you old fool, it is not julblope."
Grandpa: "Of course it is, what else can it be?"
Grandma: "Heck if I know, but it's not julblope"
Grandpa: "If you don't know what it is, then how do you know it's not jublope?"
Grandma: "What's this, an interrogation?"
Grandpa: "Can we just drop it please."
Grandma: "I'm not dropping anything."
Grandpa: "Yeah you better not, remember when you dropped that candle and the house caught on fire?"
Grandma: "Do you have to keep bringing this up? That happened 40 years ago."
Grandpa: "I lost my favourite slippers in the fire."
Grandma: "Ask me if I'm sorry, those slippers were given to you by your mistress."
Grandpa: "She wasn't my mistress, we only kissed once."
Grandma: "What? You kissed her? I knew it! I think it's time to go visit my lawyer."
Grandpa: "Right, last time you visited your lawyer, you were gone all afternoon. What were you two doing?"
Grandma: "I only saw him for an hour. A UFO landed in the corn field while I was on my way there, and I took some time watching the aliens."
Grandpa: "You suck at making things up, UFOs don't exist."
Grandma: "Julblope doesn't exist either."
Grandpa: "It's julblope."
Grandma: "It's not."
Grandpa: "It's julblope."
Grandma: It's not."
Grandpa: "It's julblope."
Grangma: "it.s n....

Eventually, I moved to the computer in the office, but I can still hear their arguing voices in the other room. Please tell me, is it or is it not julblope?

Thank you in advance.
Julie

Thursday

Dear Internet Service Provider

Dear internet service provider,

My name is Johnny and I am writing to you with a problem I encountered on the internet. I hope you will be able to assist and solve this problem for me.
For security reasons, my IP was blocked from a website after trying 20 (twenty) times to get the captchas right during registration.
Below is a screen shot of said captchas.



Just between us, I think they made those captchas difficult on purpose because the first 200 people to register will receive a $5 sign-up bonus. I don't mind working for the $5 they offer, but please note that there is a difference between work and slavery. To top it off, after slaving away 20 (twenty) times, I have now been prevented from accessing that website. Imagine someone would promise you fresh tomatoes as long as you go to the garden a mile down the road and water the tomato plants every day. When it comes close to harvest time, a fence is put up and you can no longer access the garden. From beyond the fence, you can see the almost ripe tomatoes staring at you.
Dear ISP folks, this is how I feel right now. Those five bucks were within reach, I could almost feel them in my pocket, and now I am blocked.
You are the only ones who can take that virtual fence down for me. Please quickly give me a new IP (preferably a dynamic one in case this happens again). And while you're at it, could you please kindly identify the letters that you see in the screen shot?

Truly yours,
Johnny

Wednesday

You can do it!


You can do it!

zc6cBGG

We're sorry, that is incorrect. Let us give you a hint, there is no b in the mix.. or maybe there is, That third character could be a b, though a 6 or a g seems more likely. At least you have some choices. Don't ruin it.

zcgc3GG

You're not the brightest bulb, are you! Another attempt, another failure. At this rate, half of the internet population will be registered before you are. Try to concentrate, it's really not that difficult.

zo6cbGG

What part of there is no b didn't you understand? You blew it again. If I may kindly offer a suggestion.. don't give up your day job yet.

zobc3GG

Patience is a tree with bitter roots and sweet fruits they say. Do yourself a favour and click the "Try a new code" option. You are not making much progress here. We gave you the characters, all you need to do is type them in the box.

A cupful



Dear Windowslive,
My name is Johnny and I am sending you this email regarding an issue I experienced while registering an account with you. During the registration process, I was forced to look at a cupful minery. Don't get me wrong. I understand that you need to add those captchas to verify that I am indeed human. That is not the problem, and I am sure you have enough people bitching about this already. The problem is that I was enjoying a cup of tea at the time when this happened. I looked in my cup and suddenly lost all desire to have another sip. Mind you, the tea was still hot. It was fresh. It was delicious, until the minery appeared on my screen. I quickly clicked the "new" option to generate a new code, hoping to put this negative experience behind me as soon as possible.



Imagine you have just gone through a trauma of seeing that cupful of minery on your screen, you click new to make it automagically disappear, and there comes... moomnud surface. This wouldn't have been dramatic if it weren't for the fact that I happened to look down in my cup of tea and saw something surface. Given, it was the teabag that was still floating in the cup, but seriously my mind went spinning like a ferris wheel. Even though subconsciously I knew it was a teabag, I honestly thought it was a moomnud. Those moomnuds are dangerous, don't you know?

I am writing to beg you, please be careful with those human verification codes, because there are humans looking at them. Perfectly normal people like you and me. On behalf of those people I would like to ask you, please remove the words moomnud, cupful and minery from your collection.. Let's keep us all sane, shall we?

Truly yours,
Johnny



Tuesday

Please try again


Letters are not case-sensitive, it'll only hurt a little. We are compassionate. If you've already attempted six times to get through the captchas and you resort to using all caps, we won't punish you. Go ahead, let it out, let go of that frustration, hit CapsLock if you want.

mardisofs

Buzz... wrong, there are only eight letters, you used nine. Sorry we couldn't tell you in advance how many letters there are, it would have messed up the page layout.

mordisdts

This does not appear to be correct. At least you had the amount of letters right this time. Keep trying.

maidisds

Please use your glasses, that first part is not maid, and the second part is not isds, surely you can do better than that?

mardisds

Say what? mar, mor, mai, mar..  now may be a good time to make up your mind. Try again.

mard5af5

You are making a bad situation worse. Needless to say, that just isn't it. How hard can it be? Type the characters you see in the picture below.

mardsols

It looks like you finally made up your mind on the mar part. Unfortunately, six strikes and you're out. To make sure that you are not a bot, you'll need to fill out the entire registration form again. You yet have to prove that you're human.

Monday

Follow-up mail to ISP

Dear internet service provider,

Thank you much for solving my problem so quickly and giving me a new IP, I owe you my firstborn! It will take a while for me to memorise my new IP and I hope I won't be confusing it with my phone number like I used to, but I'm sure that is not your fault by any means.
After your generous offer of a new IP, I went back to the website to register and I ran into yet another problem. You may be able to help me.
Having smartened up, I only tried 19 times to get past the captchas, seeing my IP blocked by them has left me with some emotional damage, so I am trying to be more careful now.
I clicked on the little wheelchair, trying to get some help with said captchas, please see the screen shot below.



My question is, what do I need to plug in and where? For crying out loud, I checked every darn plug in the house, and there is nothing unplugged.
If you can help me out one more time, I will give you four packs of diapers along with my firstborn.

Truly yours,
Johnny